


50 Words of ZADF

by JoeMerl



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst and Humor, Confused Dib (Invader Zim), Dib is So Done (Invader Zim), Frenemies Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Gen, Oblivious Dib and Zim (Invader Zim), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, ZADF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeMerl/pseuds/JoeMerl
Summary: When a young paranormal investigator is best friends with a psychotic alien monster, life is bound to be weird in a whole lot of ways. Here are fifty of them.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	50 Words of ZADF

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net on October 15, 2009.
> 
> I'm not sure how good this actually is, but it's got 100+ reviews there so I guess people like it. I chose to edit it a bit, with the original version still up on FF.net.

**001\. Rain**

"Well, _this_ is unexpected," Dib muttered, wringing out his hair-scythe as Zim held out his umbrella to encompass them both.

**002\. Mirror**

He couldn't see it when Zim was alone on the planet. He couldn't see it when Skoodge was there too, or when they were battling Tak. But the first time that Dib saw Zim around _other_ Irkens, he began to see how much the two of them had in common.

**003\. Sanctuary**

"And another thing **—** _I'm_ getting the bed!"

Dib growled to himself, taking out a set of fresh sheets as GIR knocked over an antique lamp. _Why_ was he letting them hide here, again? 

**004\. Imagination**

"But **—** th-th-that doesn't even make any sense!" Dib screamed from inside Zim's containment sphere. "Tacos don't even _have_ static electricity! How the heck can you use them to power _that_ thing?!"

Zim stared for a moment, then shook his head. "Poor Dib-stink. You can never think outside the box, can you?"

**005\. Spirit**

Zim didn't know which was more bizarre—that GIR had somehow picked up the _term_ "kindred spirits," or the fact that he had applied it to _him and the Dib._

**006\. Resign**

"Y-yeah!" Zim shot a look at Dib, who flashed a pair of thumbs up. "Because you know what? You _can't_ fire Zim! Zim QUITS!" And he hung up before either Tallest had the chance to respond.

**007\. Abnormal**

"See, I _knew_ those two freaks would start hanging out eventually!" Jessica muttered as Dib and Zim began arguing over their lunches.

**008\. Vision**

"Alright, _fine!_ " Zim screamed, grabbing Dib's hand and pulling him out the door. "I'll get you a _new_ pair of glasses, if it'll make you _shut up_ already!"

**009\. Heaven**

"Well I hate to break this to you, _Dib,_ but I've actually been up _there_ " he motioned dismissively up to the night sky "and never-ever found any traces of any dead Dib-mom. So _there._ "

**010\. Hell**

If there was a Hell, Dib decided, then the egotistical, vicious and downright _genocidal_ Zim was _definitely_ going to go there.

But for some reason, that thought was actually kind of depressing.

**011\. Underground**

Each of them stubbornly claimed that it was the other who gotten them sent to the Underground Classrooms; heck, they were screaming at each other even as the basement-droid dragged them to the Detention of Subterranean Badness. To be honest, though, neither of them was really worried. Eventually they would team up to escape, and even after one betrayed the other they would both get out of there fine. 

**012\. Soul**

"So, do I get one of those, too?"

Dib paused. Of course, technically he wasn't sure if _he_ even had one, and non-human animals were a whole different question…the fact that Zim was a cyborg _really_ complicated matters…

"Um…yeah. You have a soul."

"Oh." Zim paused as the pencil he had been balancing on his lip fell. " _Neat._ "

**013\. Crystal**

"So you give her a shiny rock attached to a circle and she agrees to mate with you? _Feh,_ " Zim muttered, throwing the engagement ring back at his startled friend. "Hyuman customs are _stupid._ "

**014\. Sunrise**

" _Wow…_ isn't that sunrise amazing?"

"Meh," Zim muttered, kicking at the pinkish grass. "It's more impressive when this planet's _other_ sun rises. We'll have to wait a few weeks for that, though."

**015\. Disgust**

"And _then,_ " Dib said, purposefully spitting food out as he spoke, "they bring the cows to a _slaughterhouse_ _—_ no, really, that's what they call it!—and put them on this long conveyor belt—"

"Ah! Shut up, shut up!"

Lunch had gotten a lot more fun since Dib figured out that Irkens were herbivores. 

**016\. Improvise**

"Seriously, Zim, I'm starting to think that you're making this plan up as you go along."

"SILENCE! Now, after the hypnotic toast, I will unleash my flesh-eating, eh…how about turtles? I've never used turtles before."

"Yes you have."

" _THEN IT'LL BE MONGEESE!_ "

**017\. Weakness**

Eventually, Dib stopped bringing water guns and hamburger meat to their fights. It just didn't seem sporting.

**018\. Bent**

"Uh…is your arm _supposed_ to go that way?" Dib asked, standing over his fallen opponent with a twinge of concern.

**019\. Analyse**

"' _A lot in common?!'_ " they both screeched, causing the guidance counselor to jump in her seat and send their permanent records flying. " _Are you NUTS?!_ "

**020\. Glare**

Tenn raised an eyebrow. "…They've been glaring at each other for over twenty minutes now."

"Yeah," Gretchen said. "They do that."

"But you say they're best friends?"

"Yeah, but they don't really know it yet."

"Ah."

**021\. Speed**

"Wow!" Dib said, grinning as he maneuvered the ship above the trees. "This is pretty easy!"

Zim grumbled. How dare a puny worm-monkey learn this faster than _him!_

**022\. Violence**

"You know, I really wish you kids would play nicer," the Robomom said, scrubbing the dirt and dried blood off as Zim and Dib tried to escape.

The Robodad laughed. "Oh honey—boys will be boys!"

**023\. Everything**

"And _that_ is the meaning of existence. YES!"

Dib stared. "…Potatoes?"

Zim grinned. " _Yes._ Brilliant, no?"

**024\. Indifference**

_Dear Log. Today I hurt Zim, badly, when I finally managed to slip some meat juice into his paste supply. I'm looking into psychiatric counseling to figure out why I feel sort of bad about that._

**025\. Roam**

"See now, you shouldn't be roaming the streets alone like that, Dib-worm."

Zim retracting a bloody PAK-leg as "Mmy the Homicidal Maniac" fled screaming into the night.

**026\. Psychosis**

As Zim became more friendly, even more _normal_ each day, Dib finally figured it out: his bizarre psychosis had been from years and years of having _no one_ really listen to him. He had been alone for more years than any human could hope to live.

What really scared Dib was knowing that the exact same thing could have happened to him.

**027\. Dark**

"Let me get this straight. You're a century-old alien dedicated to wiping out all of humanity…and you need a _night-light?_ "

"SHUT UP!"

**028\. Twisted**

She practically never saw either of them happy unless they were either together or ranting about the other. Clearly they liked each other, even _needed_ each other, and yet all of their energy was spent trying to wipe the other from existence.

"Wow. Those two are twisted," Gaz mused, then shrugged and went back to playing her video game.

**029\. Attic**

"So, you can either stay up here…or let the Swollen Eyeballs find you."

Zim growled, looking away. He _hated_ being locked up in this attic, but he had to admit that Dib's logic _sort of_ _almost_ made _some_ kind of sense.

**030\. Contain**

"IT CONTAINS NOTHING!" Zim screamed, slamming the photo album shut in a huff. "And I mean, why would I have pictures you anyway, anyway?! _PFFT!_ "

**031\. Monster**

"I mean, for goodness' sake," Zim muttered, shaking the sweater as Dib turned slightly pink. "A _monster_ in your closet? What are you, _four?_ "

**032\. Return**

" _AIGH_ _ **—**_ _let go!_ " Zim screamed, trying his best to wriggle out of his friend's tight hug. "For Irk's sake, Dib, I was only gone for a _year!_ "

**033\. Without**

" _No._ If I'm going to see the Tallest, Earth's official ambassador comes with me," Zim said firmly.

**034\. Unnatural**

"Oh, hey, sweet!" Zim said, as Dib stared at his father's old papers with his mouth hanging open. "You were grown in a tube too! What was your robot arm like?"

**035\. Doctor**

"Oh, please, give me that—uh, 'Dear Coach Walrus, Zim cannot participate in swimming class today. He broke his…spleen. Signed, Doctor…scribbly line.'" Dib shoved the forged note back at Zim, who stared at it, amazed. "Just remember to wear your paste from now on, okay?"

**036\. Spin**

" _Whoooaaa!_ "

" _Whoooaaa!_ "

" _BLEGH!_ "

The teacups stopped; Dib staggered dizzily out, pumping his fists into the air, while Zim stayed behind, barfing over the side.

"I did it!" Dib cheered, practically falling with each step. "I won! I— _ugh…BLEGH!_ "

**037\. Beam**

"Quick!" Dib screamed into his communicator. "Beam me up, Zim, beam me up!"

Zim stared at the Voot Cruiser screen. "'Beam you up?' You watch too many of the _SCI-FIS!_ "

**038\. Honesty**

"Be honest. Do you… _really_ think that my head looks big?"

**039\. Slash**

"Oh, wow, I really cut you bad there, didn't I?" Zim muttered, scratching his head with the bloody PAK-leg. "Er…GIR! FETCH ME THE BAND-AIDS!"

**040\. Online**

AgentMothman: Wow, Zim. I really like your new screen name. It's very…subtle.

IAMZIM: huh? wat do u mean?!

**041\. Misunderstood**

"You know, Dib," Zim mused, slumping down in his cafeteria seat, "sometimes I think that nobody in the universe understands me but you."

Dib stared at him for a long moment.

"What the _hell_ are you talking about? I _NEVER_ understand you!"

**042\. Prevail**

"A truce?! _PERMANENTLY?!_ But—but that means neither one of us will ever win!"

"Really? Because I prefer to think of it as meaning we _both_ win."

"BOTH?! …Can we do that?"

**043\. Inconceivable**

_Oh my gosh,_ Dib thought, feeling the blood drain from his face. _ZIM is my BEST FRIEND?!_

**044\. Endanger**

The two of them were allies now, even friends; Zim honestly didn't want the Dib-monkey to get hurt.

That didn't stop him from pushing Dib down and fleeing when Tak caught them breaking into her base, but really, he was wishing Dib luck whole run back to his base.

**045\. Stare**

Dib stared.

"Robotic wienies? Seriously, Zim, I'm not even sure if this plan is _worth_ foiling."

**046\. Supernatural**

"I'm telling you, all these attempts to find the 'supernatural' are just stupid," the alien said, rolling his eyes as his two robots danced insanely in the background.

**047\. Deep**

"That's…surprisingly brilliant of you," Dib said, utterly flabbergasted at such a deep insight.

**048\. Sarcastic**

"Yeah, sure… _I'm_ the crazy one." 

—A sentence that each of them could say to the other at least once per day.

**049\. Limit**

"You're going to try to destroy Eurasia today?"

Zim nodded.

"And that's my birthday gift?"

"I'm going to try to destroy _only_ Eurasia today. Eh? Much less work for you, right?"

**050\. Writers' Choice—Behave**

" _MEM! MIZ! Can't you two just BEHAVE?!_ " Dib and Zim both screamed, as their respective sons wrestled furiously across the floor of Zim's base.


End file.
